Nothing to hide, some words about my poetry

Yes, I cry !
Yes, I’m a loser with no talent playing the poet and the artsy !
Yes, I will not stop doing that !
(Not stop Writing)
My screams are harsh
So everyone can hear them
I’m not ashamed of my pain
I’ll let you know when I’m suffering,
But when I’m happy
We will go drink together
And burn down the bar.
I have nothing to hide,
I have
Nothing,
So bring me another whiskey
And then, bring me the gun
I will fill it with words
And shot bleeding verses
Straight
To your heart.

14/11/13 (6th Log)

Sad doom music fills my ears. I was ok, with a good mood, but then something happened, something that even I wasn’t expecting. No matter what, but it involves a girl. Well, she works in the bookshop next to my work, we talked some times, but, not too much. I was thinking of inviting her for a cup of coffee, or a beer (I prefer a beer, yes), but then, she entered to my building with her boyfriend. I wasn’t aware that this fact will make me sad, but, it felt like a bullet through my chest. The thing is, I’m not sad ’cause she has a boyfriend, I’m sad because it’s fucking-long-5-years for me to be alone. Yes, that’s right that I choose to be alone, but, sometimes, loneliness feels too cold. I need to explain something about myself : I feel too much, everything. If it’s love, I fall in love completely. If it’s hate, well, just get your ass out of my way. The thing is, love hurts me. I’m searching for it, not for sex … Bah, I’m waiting for love to come to me. I don’t know how to search for it, even not where to start. I don’t know how to find it. It is 5 long years without a lover, with all the things, good and bad that a lover implies. And I miss it, the warm words of a woman to my ears, the feeling of being in love, the feeling of happiness, of sharing my life with a girl. But loneliness is a kind of force, my kind of force. I don’t want to be hurt again, that is why I choose to walk alone.

Good night, folks, thank you for reading.

05/11/13 (5th log)

I’m tired. I slept only 2 hours in the morning, and I was all day awake, at the airport, waiting, with my mom, for my aunt to arrive. She arrived at 6:45 PM, and we came back to the house at 8:30 PM. She will go to sleep in a while. Me, I need to stay all night awake, I’m at work from 11 PM to 7 AM. I don’t know how I will do it. My eyes are closing and I feel devastated. I need some decent sleep.

Being at the airport was amazing, I miss to fly. I want to fly to someplace, just fly, I did like to live in an airplane, I did never get tired of the sensation of movement.
My last fly was to Argentina, I spent 3 month there, I saw my family, my brother and sister (step brothers). It was last year, 2012. I arrived in Argentina at 7/3 and came back to Israel at 7/6. I think I will not come back to Argentina in a looong time. Nothing remains there to me.

I want to find some love. Not only sex. I want some romance in my life. I had my last gf 5 years ago, her name was Efry, we went together for 6 month, then she moved for another 6 month to Italy, and when she came back, every one of us had his own life. After her I was with some whores, I paid for sex, but stopped doing that because it feel empty. Even when I care a lot about sex and physical contact, sex and physical contact feels empty without love, or at last, without some feeling. It’s just masturbation. The main thing, is that there ain’t too much places to search for a love. I work alone, I get out with the same bunch of people all time, I don’t socialize too much, actually, I’m pretty null at socializing, and I don’t think I’ll find my next true love in a pub full of drunk people, and, actually, me being drunk too. When I was younger, let’s say, before Efry, I was never alone, every time I had some girl. Anyway, I feel comfortable in my loneliness, it isn’t too bad, at least when you get accustomed to that.

Shit, I feel devastated, really, really tired. I don’t know how I’ll get to 7 AM awake …

Well, thanks for reading

See you around, folks

NOTES ABOUT ELH R ‘BYYHIII (an autobiography)

  Elh R ‘Byyhiii, Mar Del Plata’s folklore mythological creature, born on May 25, 1983 a bleeding moon’s night under the sign of God V’eenlxin’E. Of unknown parents is said to have been brought from the other world in the back of a giant crow. At 30 he is a poet of the underworld. Its anatomy consists of a pair of wings whose ends drags at his step, goat legs, sharp teeth as fangs, and two horns adorning his head, his blue skin is full of enigmatic religious drawings. He walks in the shadows looking for young virgins to deflower. His singing, they say, leads to debauchery, madness, mystical orgies in the underworld. Little is known with certainty about this creature, more legends are many. If you get to see it, please, cover your ears, and keep walking, otherwise you would be exposed to the vilest sadistic sins …

Decadence

A leather mask covering my face
below worms
spiders
insects

My skin is ash
My hair burnt grass
My nails knives
Flogging your virgin body

I’m the Black Plague dancing
I am he who at night
Your nightmares feeds
I am the son of war

Kiss me and die,
Masturbate on rotting bodies
SCREAM ! SCREAM ! … Your pain
Is the music of my decadence

I was (not) there

When the world stopped being

I was there, present

 

When words lose their power

I was there, present

 

When the birds forgot how to fly

I was there, present

 

When the trees rebelled and crushed the beasts

I was there, present

 

When your heart gave a turn and fell in love with my

I was (not) there,

I was watching the city burn

Invierno

Oscurece temprano
Es invierno ya
La vida que nos abandona
La muerte
Que guía nuestros pasos al frío
De la madrugada donde no hay encuentros

(Nota : extraño el invierno. En el país donde vivo estamos en pleno verano. Dios, como extraño el invierno)

Keep the streets empty for me (Poem inspired by the song Keep the streets empty for me, by Fever Ray)

Keep the streets empty for me

where void is at war and

ghosts float through the asphalt

 

Keep the streets empty for me

’cause I’ll burn down the city

’cause I’ll dance with decadent abandoned flames

 

Keep the streets empty for me

Keep the silence screaming my name

Keep the memories haunting my spirit