29/10/13 (2nd log entry)

I’m tired, want to sleep. I can’t, I’m at work. I work like a security clerk. It’s not so bad. I guard a building. I work mostly at night. I’m alone. I want to sleep. The lights went off, half of the building is in darkness and I don’t know how to put the lights on. Meanwhile I hear an internet blues radio and read all the wordpress posts that I couldn’t read those past days. Mhhmmm, I want to sleep, I feel the tiredness in my eyes.

… Need to wait till 7 AM.

Mhhmmm …

Sleepy thoughts

Sleepy
Another 8 hours sitting in the chair
That goes down every 5 minutes
Today I decided not to drink
I want to get away of the bottle
When I’m drunk I act like a stupid
It’s not that I’m not a stupid but
When I’m sober I somehow can hide it
I need a girl
I’m too shy to search for one
I’m afraid of the NO
Of doing the clown
That’s one of the reasons why I drink
To free myself
I like to live
But I’m walking close to the lady in black.

Second night at job

Why is there allways a first price to pay ?

Not matter if it’s a shitty job

or if you are new in a group

or even if you go to buy potatoes in the new town

there is ever a first price to pay

when you are new

 

Today I get at work

“Hi” I said

“what is wrong with you ?” He told to me

“what is wrong ? Nothing is wrong, why ?”

“You didn’t did your work last night, why ?”

“Maybe because that was my first day

and I’m alone at the building

and there is nobody to ask ?

And … I did my job”

“No, you don’t”

“Well, fucking faggot, go eat your own shit and drink your own vomit, you fucking fuck”

I wanted to tell him

but instead of that I smiled

 

Maybe what was wrong was my smile

and that I wanted to work in that place.