(my) Feelings, Naked

What is wrong with me ?

Every person that I knew failed me,

everyone of them showed me that friendship is an ilusion,

or,

is something wrong with me ?

Is so difficult to find peace, to be happy ?

Everyone feels alone,

or is just me ?

Is there anyone not thinking only for himself/herself ?

Or, is something wrong with me ?

I feel I’m losing the game

I know sadness, and anger is ON

I’m afraid of what I can become

I can’t ask for help,

I can’t believe in anyone,

every person I know teach me that trust is an ilusion

and, I’m a dreamer, a fool

Why is so difficult to find peace ? Why is so difficult to find happiness ?

Is too much to ask for love, acceptance, a friend, a brother, a family,

someone in who I can trust ?

Negative thoughts cloud my mind

Anger is ON

I know sadness

Evil ghosts surrounds me

… is there a place where I belong ?

Blue again

I’m feeling blue

again

I’m feeling a deep loneliness

filling my heart and

an obscure sadness running through my soul,

is like the sun don’t want to shine over me today and

my own shadow evades me,

is like my life is an old hotel haunted by

dusty suicide children and

abandoned fetus at the the highs of the mountain, 

is like the autumn’s leafs are crying a silent lament to the

cold wind and the trees are 

killing themselves,

is like nothing really matters and

the only road 

is dead

 

(note : I’m cyclothymic, my mood can change from a deep depressive sadness to a maniac happiness in a second … the poem reflect how I felt in the afternoon, around 19, 20 … now I’m feeling ok, I’m not sad, I can even say that I’m happy …)