… did you, ever ?

Did you ever felt the void filling your chest,
the tears choking your throat,
the anger’s fire burning your cheeks and ears ?

Did you ever felt the loneliness covering you, your heart, your bones,
or the cloud in your mind delaying your thoughts ?

Did you ever felt … Did you, ever ?

(my) Feelings, Naked

What is wrong with me ?

Every person that I knew failed me,

everyone of them showed me that friendship is an ilusion,

or,

is something wrong with me ?

Is so difficult to find peace, to be happy ?

Everyone feels alone,

or is just me ?

Is there anyone not thinking only for himself/herself ?

Or, is something wrong with me ?

I feel I’m losing the game

I know sadness, and anger is ON

I’m afraid of what I can become

I can’t ask for help,

I can’t believe in anyone,

every person I know teach me that trust is an ilusion

and, I’m a dreamer, a fool

Why is so difficult to find peace ? Why is so difficult to find happiness ?

Is too much to ask for love, acceptance, a friend, a brother, a family,

someone in who I can trust ?

Negative thoughts cloud my mind

Anger is ON

I know sadness

Evil ghosts surrounds me

… is there a place where I belong ?

Confession

I wish I could tell you who I’m
And that you
Give me a chance
To know you

I wish I could write something that isn’t sad
But I can’t
Because my soul is wounded
And bleeds eternal blood

I wish you could see me with a smile,
Or, that you could see me at all
But I remain invisible
Hiding in the shadows

I wish I could let go my fears
Of losing you
You
That doesn’t even exist

I wish I could write good verses
But I can’t
Because I’ve got no talent
I’m the useless idiot in the world

Purim, days of partying …

I’m empty
In the inside
I have no heart
Nor feelings …

… This is the time of the year
Where everyone is partying
Dressing up
Being
Who they fantasize
To be …

… But me
I have no heart
Nor feelings
I’m useless
Like the sun
In a raining afternoon

Cheap

I want cheap sex
And cheap wine

And to paint my heart
With the color of the night

I want to be invisible
I want … I want … I want …

I want
To disappear

Passing by

I am

a dream that will fade away

with the light of the morning

only living in the night

glimmering in the sky

smoky something.

My scent

will be dissolved in the air

as the sand falling through your fingers

and my picture

will be drowned

in the deepness of the ocean.

My words will hurt you,

My somehow love,

My passion

I will be forgiven

as a ghost town that people abandoned

long time ago.

So much poetry murmured to your ears

but the only thing that you will remember

is the shadow of a memory

fading away

with the sun

growing in the horizon.

 

(note : I’ll be glad if you find grammatical errors to make me know, thank you)

Blue again

I’m feeling blue

again

I’m feeling a deep loneliness

filling my heart and

an obscure sadness running through my soul,

is like the sun don’t want to shine over me today and

my own shadow evades me,

is like my life is an old hotel haunted by

dusty suicide children and

abandoned fetus at the the highs of the mountain, 

is like the autumn’s leafs are crying a silent lament to the

cold wind and the trees are 

killing themselves,

is like nothing really matters and

the only road 

is dead

 

(note : I’m cyclothymic, my mood can change from a deep depressive sadness to a maniac happiness in a second … the poem reflect how I felt in the afternoon, around 19, 20 … now I’m feeling ok, I’m not sad, I can even say that I’m happy …)