Falling down, again …

This post is a testimony, a fight that I will need to confront for the rest of my life, this fight is against nicotine, cigarets, tobacco …

One year ago, after 9 tries, I quit smoking. I started smoking when I was 22, I started because I was boring and wanted to fill the emptiness of my life. I never thought that it will be a continue fight the rest of my life. I tried, and tried, and tried … After 9 tries I could quit. I thought I will never come back. Well, I fell again some days ago …

One or two months ago I get out to drink with a friend. This friend of mine smokes. After some beers and whiskey’s I asked him for a cigarette … I knew that if I smoked this cigarette I will come back, but, I didn’t really cared. The thing is, I’m an addict, I like to smoke, I feel great pleasure smoking, but I hate it at the same time. Nicotine is a very strong drug, it change your way of thinking. Now is the third day of my come back and I want to stop smoking again. The reason that I want to quit is a healthy one, I feel my lungs full of smoke, it even makes me difficult to breath, my chest hurt, I feel dirty, it isn’t pleasant at all … it’s a fuckin’ hell.

I’ll quit for the 10 time, I know how to do it, I need to throw the cigarettes and wait some days, I need to be strong … I will do it, I will smoke a last cigarette and throw them … Wish me luck and send me forces …

Addiction is a fight for the rest of the life, but, just as you fall, you can get up again …

Too much words inside my head

Too much words inside my head

Too much words struggling to get out of my head

And me, without too much language

Loss of words

Playing the poet

in a world full of artists

Trying to be a part

of the world of wonders

but how many words are there that can’t be said ?

nor writing ?

nor screaming ?

crying ?

fighting ?

Too much words inside my head

and me without too much language.