Sleepy thoughts

Sleepy
Another 8 hours sitting in the chair
That goes down every 5 minutes
Today I decided not to drink
I want to get away of the bottle
When I’m drunk I act like a stupid
It’s not that I’m not a stupid but
When I’m sober I somehow can hide it
I need a girl
I’m too shy to search for one
I’m afraid of the NO
Of doing the clown
That’s one of the reasons why I drink
To free myself
I like to live
But I’m walking close to the lady in black.

Again

Blacked out, Again

Drink too much, Again

Made a clown of myself, Again

A night erased from my mind, Again

Wake up in my bed, alone, Again

A new day to confront,

Again

Drunken dreams

Yesterday I get out, to drink. I called to a friend and we met in a bar near our house. It started good, me with my stuttering, he with his … whatever-he-do (I don’t know). We started to drink. I drank two glasses of red wine, 4 liters of beer, and 2 vodka. Yes, I was drunk. Before we pay, I get up and went to the bathroom. I fell. I fuckin’ fell between the tables. Goddamit !!!. That is my last memory. I can’t remember how I get to my house, how I undressed, and how I went to bed. I can’t remember. But I remember my dream :

I dreamt of a beautiful blonde teenage girl, with short jeans and tattoos all over her legs. I felt in love instantly. I crossed the street to talk with her, but she entered to a car, a big-expensive-car (like a porsche, or a ferrari). Well, I continue walking to my house and I saw some boys with hoodies covering their faces, hacking the electricity. I watched and I told to myself : What the fuck ?. I continue walking to my house and I found lot of comic books, Spiderman, Thor, this kind of stuff.

Then I waked up, in my bed, half naked, with headache, without the comic books, thinking about the blonde girl of my dream.

It was a pleasant night, I hate to lose control, but when I lose, well, I just lose it. I try all the time to be in control of myself, and I put a lot of pressure on me. So is good, from time to time to lose control.

update: Ok, now that I’m sober I hate myself for being drunk yersterday, my body hurt for the fall, I need to search a job, I don’t want, I don’t, I feel stupid, I am, I swear to myself : I will not be drunk again …

(…yes, of course)