… did you, ever ?

Did you ever felt the void filling your chest,
the tears choking your throat,
the anger’s fire burning your cheeks and ears ?

Did you ever felt the loneliness covering you, your heart, your bones,
or the cloud in your mind delaying your thoughts ?

Did you ever felt … Did you, ever ?

Confession

I wish I could tell you who I’m
And that you
Give me a chance
To know you

I wish I could write something that isn’t sad
But I can’t
Because my soul is wounded
And bleeds eternal blood

I wish you could see me with a smile,
Or, that you could see me at all
But I remain invisible
Hiding in the shadows

I wish I could let go my fears
Of losing you
You
That doesn’t even exist

I wish I could write good verses
But I can’t
Because I’ve got no talent
I’m the useless idiot in the world

Cheap

I want cheap sex
And cheap wine

And to paint my heart
With the color of the night

I want to be invisible
I want … I want … I want …

I want
To disappear

Blue again

I’m feeling blue

again

I’m feeling a deep loneliness

filling my heart and

an obscure sadness running through my soul,

is like the sun don’t want to shine over me today and

my own shadow evades me,

is like my life is an old hotel haunted by

dusty suicide children and

abandoned fetus at the the highs of the mountain, 

is like the autumn’s leafs are crying a silent lament to the

cold wind and the trees are 

killing themselves,

is like nothing really matters and

the only road 

is dead

 

(note : I’m cyclothymic, my mood can change from a deep depressive sadness to a maniac happiness in a second … the poem reflect how I felt in the afternoon, around 19, 20 … now I’m feeling ok, I’m not sad, I can even say that I’m happy …)

There is a time in life (depressive poetry)

There is a time in life

when you look at your past and you want

                                                 to erase it

when you look at your present and you

                                           got nothing

when you look at your future and you

                                  see it like a hole

                                  in the middle of the desert

 

There is a time in life

when you desire to die

instead of that you continue dragging

                              the cardboard box

and writing depressive letters

that you throw to the sky

                            words

                          withering

                            words

 

you feel empty

you feel wasted

you feel dying

you feel

and that is why you know that you are alive

because you still can feel

 

There is a time in life

when life itself lose it’s purpose

when you get dry of tears

when you want to throw it all away

 

     [ I try to be hard

     [ I try to always show a smile

     [ I try I try I try 

 

(note : sorry for the poetry above, I wish I could write some happy poetry … but today I can’t)