Falling down, again …

This post is a testimony, a fight that I will need to confront for the rest of my life, this fight is against nicotine, cigarets, tobacco …

One year ago, after 9 tries, I quit smoking. I started smoking when I was 22, I started because I was boring and wanted to fill the emptiness of my life. I never thought that it will be a continue fight the rest of my life. I tried, and tried, and tried … After 9 tries I could quit. I thought I will never come back. Well, I fell again some days ago …

One or two months ago I get out to drink with a friend. This friend of mine smokes. After some beers and whiskey’s I asked him for a cigarette … I knew that if I smoked this cigarette I will come back, but, I didn’t really cared. The thing is, I’m an addict, I like to smoke, I feel great pleasure smoking, but I hate it at the same time. Nicotine is a very strong drug, it change your way of thinking. Now is the third day of my come back and I want to stop smoking again. The reason that I want to quit is a healthy one, I feel my lungs full of smoke, it even makes me difficult to breath, my chest hurt, I feel dirty, it isn’t pleasant at all … it’s a fuckin’ hell.

I’ll quit for the 10 time, I know how to do it, I need to throw the cigarettes and wait some days, I need to be strong … I will do it, I will smoke a last cigarette and throw them … Wish me luck and send me forces …

Addiction is a fight for the rest of the life, but, just as you fall, you can get up again …

18 thoughts on “Falling down, again …

      • I’ve tried, longest I lasted was 3 months. My problem is I love smoking. 😀

        It is a nasty, smelly, wrinkle-inducing and costly habit… yet still I love it. *sigh*

        I know of the lifetime longing though. Alcoholic, but been sober for over 13 years. If I’m lucky, there’s a day or two a week where I don’t want it.

        But stopping drinking became easy. It had been hard, I’d tried a few times after realising I had a problem, AA, cold turkey, drinking less, etc.

        I did however become aware that there was suddenly something at risk, my relationship. I either quit drinking, or lose the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

        Smoking however has never presented such an easy choice for me. 😀

    • “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.” Mark Twain.

      That is true, the difficult part is to stay away forever. Nicotine, like any addiction, will try to take you back … I just smoked my last cigarette and threw the rest. I will never come back to smoke again, that is a really nasty and unclean habit.

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