14/11/13 (6th Log)

Sad doom music fills my ears. I was ok, with a good mood, but then something happened, something that even I wasn’t expecting. No matter what, but it involves a girl. Well, she works in the bookshop next to my work, we talked some times, but, not too much. I was thinking of inviting her for a cup of coffee, or a beer (I prefer a beer, yes), but then, she entered to my building with her boyfriend. I wasn’t aware that this fact will make me sad, but, it felt like a bullet through my chest. The thing is, I’m not sad ’cause she has a boyfriend, I’m sad because it’s fucking-long-5-years for me to be alone. Yes, that’s right that I choose to be alone, but, sometimes, loneliness feels too cold. I need to explain something about myself : I feel too much, everything. If it’s love, I fall in love completely. If it’s hate, well, just get your ass out of my way. The thing is, love hurts me. I’m searching for it, not for sex … Bah, I’m waiting for love to come to me. I don’t know how to search for it, even not where to start. I don’t know how to find it. It is 5 long years without a lover, with all the things, good and bad that a lover implies. And I miss it, the warm words of a woman to my ears, the feeling of being in love, the feeling of happiness, of sharing my life with a girl. But loneliness is a kind of force, my kind of force. I don’t want to be hurt again, that is why I choose to walk alone.

Good night, folks, thank you for reading.

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2 thoughts on “14/11/13 (6th Log)

    • Yes, it’s a long time. This is the longest time in my life that I’m alone. I don’t know, somehow, you get accustomed to that, but, anyway, I need to put a stop to this, just that I don’t know how.

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