29/10/13 (1st log entry)

I’m sad. I’m sad for a stupid reason : one of the radio shows that I hear, well, today was the last show. The show was called “The Black Rider”, or in Hebrew Ha’Parash Ha’Shajor. It was a very good show, 2 hours of rock, indie, post-punk, punk, alternative, lots of new bands, and the host was really charismatic. This simple and at least so ahead of me reason made me sad, I’ll miss that show.
Another thing that made me sad was the dead of Lou Reed. He was such an excellent artist, musician. R.I.P. Lou Reed, thank you for the lot of music you gave us.

But not everything is sadness. I even can say that I’m kind of happy. There are some reasons that make me happy. One of them (and I think the most important) is that in less than a month I’ll start to study. I’ll study photography. It was one of my dreams. It’s 2 years of study. Curious thing is that past year, at this time, I was hating my life, I could see no future for me, and I felt my soul ripped to pieces, like, if I was standing with the last piece of my soul. I needed a change, if not, I thought, I did become insane. And the change came. In April of this year I left my work and started to search for a new one. The work that I had, it was a slave’s work, I felt like a whore, so denigrated. The work that I have now, it’s not the best-work-in-the-world, but is better.

I’m still with minus in the bank, and I don’t know how to get out of it, but, I have faith that things will get better.

Another important thing to say is that it’s like 2 months that I’m sober. Is not that I’m an alcoholic or something, but, I was trying to destroy myself, I started to drink too much and I felt like I was losing control. Well, yesterday I went to drink with a friend and I drink only 2 beers. I felt amazing !!! I could take control of myself again and didn’t made the clown.

Right now I’m at work, alone, hearing an internet blues radio. I have nothing to do, just wait to 7 AM to come and go home to sleep. I love to sleep. I love the feeling of my body sleeping. I love to dream. But, one thing I miss, is to sleep with someone. It’s a long time that I haven’t a girl and, well, I’m getting tired of being alone.

Well, people, that’s all for now, I’ll go to read some comic, and then to watch Star Trek. See you around.

6 thoughts on “29/10/13 (1st log entry)

    • Thanks. Sad is not the word I wanted to write, but I don’t know another word for the feeling. The feeling is like some kind of void. You know, I had become accustomed to the show, and to know that I’ll not hear it again … Well … It’s kind of sad. I think, the problem is that I become accustomed …
      But it’s like a minor kind of sadness …

  1. I won’t say cheer up cause that sucks and one can’t just cheer up. There’s something good out there for you, I can feel it in the air.

    • Thank you Heart. I don’t know what part of this sucks more : If the radio show that just finished (it was a really good show); if the dead of Lou Reed (that is sad, you know, he was a great artist, he was so full of talent); or the minus in the bank (I’m carrying it for some loooong years, I’m full of debts, I take a loan some time ago from the bank and I’m in debt for another, like, 8 years …, I rent a house so half of my salary go with the rent, and the rest is not too much … so, yeah, a fucked up situation). Buuuut, I’m not sad, I’m kind of accustomed to the minus and to live with not too much money, so my situation is the same, and I’m kind of happy because I’ll start to study, so, another 2 years I will find a better job, with a bigger income. I just need to struggle for another time, but I have faith things will get better. Hugs.

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