This is not me (anymore)

This is not me anymore

My old nature is dead

and what remains

is the monster

the side of me that I was repressing

There is no me anymore

only Rage

possessing

my body

 

(note : yesterday I went out with some friends that I didn’t see in a long time. They are ok, but I’m not ok anymore, I started to drink a lot, and they not, so I get a bit drunk and one of them started a conversation with me, he told me that if it was for him, he did prefer to have less money and that I have more. This infuriated me and I tell him some things in a bad tone … it was the alcohol talking, but it was the rage that I have inside me, too, that I could liberate for an instant. He have a good work, he had the possibility to study and make a career. Me not. And I can’t stand that reallity too much longer … I try not to think about this too much, but the true is I have no future)

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8 thoughts on “This is not me (anymore)

    • beause there isn’t … I talked about this in the past (I think). Here, in the country where I live, with the salary that I receive is very difficult to have a life, and here isn’t a middle point, or you have too much, or you have nothing, well, I’m one of those that have nothing. All my family is in Argentina, only my mother and me here, in Israel. I haven’t the chance to study because I haven’t money and my hebrew, even when it’s ok, it isn’t soo good like for study. There are a lot of things going on in my head, my life is a mess and I can’t find a solution.

    • I want to believe in God, but I find it very difficult to believe in any religion, even the idea of God is difficult for me to digest

      • Take your time. Before I receive Christ, though I believe in God, it was hard to accept any religion until my inner world fell apart. The experience to receive Christ is unbelievably amazing whenever I think back.

      • the thing is, I was a christian when I was a child and at my youth, I even worked for the church, in the radio, I was a young leader … But I became an atheist. I tried to come back to the church years ago but I find it impossible, I don’t believe in it anymore. I don’t believe in religions. The idea of God is Ok, but a religion … I can’t stand it, nor jewish, nor muslim, nor christian, nor budhism, nothing … I’m agnostic, I believe that it can be that there is a god, but even if he exist he is too far away from us and is an abstract being. Thank you, anyway.

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